Seven Days in the Park #6

Today was always going to be about writing, and the importance it plays in holding my life together. It serves a comparable function, on a basic level, to my exercise journey: substitute mental for physical fitness, reinforce the importance of a regular schedule and watch me become more comfortable and relaxed when both come easily. The problems inevitably arise when that routine is interrupted.

A lot of change has been thrown at me in the last six weeks, which culminated yesterday in walking into a brand new Gym at 7am and being surprisingly nonplussed at what I found. It’s been increasingly apparent in the last six weeks that where I exercise is now largely irrelevant: tennis court, at home, or in a shiny new space… it is does not matter. What is more important are the people there.

I think the curmudgeon in me may finally be softening…

I have always struggled at being a people person, especially since I went into Menopause. Having spent a lifetime masking, to varying degrees of effectiveness, it is often problematic as to how I cope with new relationships and large groups. The new Gym is genuinely very scary for me right now and it will take some time to feel really comfortable in the space again. This room above is making me itchy.

However, Old Me would never have had the confidence to do the work I have undertaken this week. They would not have fed back on certain projects. They absolutely would never have pushed and promoted other people ahead of themselves because they had no real need for the things being offered. Somebody called me ‘generous’ this week and I’ve never seen it like that. What’s the point of having something if it has no real value to you and others could use it more?

That’s not generosity, it’s common sense.

I’ve had the BEST time here and when I finally leave it will be with far more belief and confidence than was possessed when I arrived. The righteous anger has risen again too, which should not be as much of a surprise as it is. We have been very much non-political in our time here but that reality is a thread which it is becoming impossible to ignore. I am aware of both the risks and the consequences of such pronouncements. We are more than ready to embrace them both.

For now, I have a bunch of blogs to write, a couple of subs to tinker with and then the wait until the rain has stopped so I can dash to the shops for some milk and a suitable breakfast choice. I said yesterday this view will be a loss, but it really doesn’t matter any more, if I am comfortable in a space it can become absolutely anywhere I require it to be.

Writing has set me free, and keeps me on the continual path to redemption.