Personal #4
So, yeah, tomorrow is a birthday with a 0 at the end…
or, The Last Day of my Fifties
Normal people would probably do a ‘This is Sixty’ post. I wanna sit in the space more, and look back on a decade of total fucking chaos with more than a passing nod to what it has taught me. In the period of 50-59 we have achieved and accomplished more than the rest of my entire life. 2016 was the start of an upward trend professionally. In that regard, not a single day has been wasted.
I may regret a fair number of the choices made, and be happy to admit this, but the overall direction undoubtedly has been forward. The same is true mentally, though there were a couple of periods which really could have destroyed everything I’d worked for. Ironically, this week I sat down and gave serious thought to jacking in all the page poetry stuff and resetting my path in a completely different direction.
That’s how I started this decade, but it is not how I will finish it.
The difference between now and where I began, coming up for eight years ago, is a true belief in my own ability. That first publication was SUCH a surprise and I was really not ready for what it brought about as a consequence. The same was true for my first pamphlet. All the best (and the worst) bits of the last three years have been tied to accepting the reality of what poetry means in my head.
I have settled in myself a belief to keep going. Ways of Seeing deserves both time and effort dedicated to it. There are still poems being asked to be written. Once the significant amount of work I have out finally comes back (because I assume it will) we will reassess where things stand. The next stage has to involve a major win somewhere. Someone new needs to notice me.
Until that happens, there really is an awful lot to keep me busy.
Tomorrow, I’ll publish the second round of ‘judging’ notes from Yellow Jug. There will be some cake, and some exercise, and I hope some shots of Forest Management as it arrives in people’s homes. I’ll send some post, and start the long-overdue tidy up my office now desperately needs. If you want to buy me a present on my 60th trip around the sun, click the button below and make sure my publisher can make back her investment in both me and my work.
Here’s to another 365 days of intentional (and hopefully enjoyable) poetry faffing.
