Personal #5

On Launch, Launch, Launch and Launch…

I have now completed four events for Forest Management. All have involved a unique set list, a different audience and an increasingly wide range of emotional responses. Last night is not the last one either, I have a triple header with my Elephant in the Room buddies in November. A smart person would wait for the last one for an overview but my memory requires me to write this down sooner.

It is very easy to see how the process of promotion ends up feeling like a job. It is especially obvious the morning after the only one of the four gigs that I didn’t feel I failed at, that we have some conversation about that in public. Last night was superb for a lot of reasons, but mainly because of the acceptance I’m now past the hard bit. Absolutely the hard bit was getting this book published.

I am so very grateful to my publisher for carrying me through that to here.

Last night saw me using a prop for performance for the first time. I’ve wanted a Hi-Viz with ‘POET’ embroidered on the back since we started this journey. The next step, if I get any more successful, will end up as a flak jacket with ‘POET’ on the front because this will be the point where I feel I need more protection. The Hi-Viz also allows me to feel like I have some control on my environment.

I am a simple lass at heart, and the visual is increasingly important to a process of evolution that began with me accepting after the virtual launch that the release of this pamphlet had pulled a LOT of previously undealtwith emotional angst into the light. A portion is wrapped around the Hedgehog Poetry Press 'contest win that wasn’t', but some is undoubtedly still related to the period when it was written.

Most of it however is directly related to a poem I read at that launch from 1986, written at a time I had no idea of a lot of things. It reminds me that the more that’s brought into the light, the easier it becomes for me to relate reality back to circumstance that created it. I’d pulled out this poem in an attempt to anchor Forest Management to a timeline that was increasingly uncomfortable.

All this did in my first event was make things worse. It forced a serious rethink for my IRL ‘Launch’, which ended up being an experience that was really difficult to navigate, and now will instruct a great deal of my marketing strategy going forward, because that is my job. If I’m writing anything for submission, I’ll need to manage emotional content more successfully.

The two events this week have reminded me of the importance of safe spaces.

Every launch has been a success for different reasons. I have however masked the least at last night's affair, which is worth recording for Reasons that need to be here. Being told by someone that my poetry is something she never thought she'd hear performed in a venue in this area was a biggie. Being told I'd inspired someone to be brave was another. I take this job very seriously.

I was urged to go enter a poem I read last night for the National Contest, which I have, costing the sale of one book to do so. Maybe I should also measure more of my submission payments on the Pamphlet Scale. I'm also very much looking forward to Monday when, for a week at least, I am on holiday and not required to build or perform for anyone.

I am already anticipating a lie-in.