The Numbers Game #3

or, At some point you need to Escape the Dependence...

My birthday was lovely. It was full of friends and warmth and care and honestly, this has been something very much missing from my own existence in the last few years. Next week we have two gigs. On Sunday there is the Exhibition I have finished creating and is now being made real with help from by my husband. After that, there will be calm. Today I will be making some space to submit.

Starting on Monday, the overriding priority is to improve my environment. That means consuming less and being more present in everything. Running constantly on reassurance is, at least for me, a dependency that needs finally to be broken. Let’s see how that works out. I have a reasonably large list of Things to Do as well, at which prepping the Exhibition sits at the top.

That’s what I’ll off to do very soon. We’ll share it all with you next week.

This also meant last night making sure that Meta have sent me an email saying explicitly that they cannot use my content for training their shitty AI Agents, and quietly either unfollowing or not so quietly outright blocking those people in my feed who insist on using AI to help them manage reality. It’s the real life justification I hear more than any other, and honestly it saddens me hugely.

There‘s the person using it to design posters because they can’t do that themselves. Then there’s friends who love to use it as a game, a dopamine substitute, as boredom alleviation and as an excuse. I can’t think right now so I let the AI do it for me, except it isn’t thinking. It’s the AI telling you answers it has been programmed to provide as a means of keeping you using it.

It is a billionaire’s version of reality you are being intentionally deceived by.

I was also made very aware on Saturday of where it is that I have come from, of how uncertainty can destroy a fragile confidence, and how the ONLY way you can ever properly heal from anything is when you accept that you have something which requires that process to take place. There was also a moment where I gave something to someone who, I think, needed it a very great deal.

I have failed in the past to successfully navigate the business of helping people. It is something that, in the future, I will do my very best to correct. A lot of that is also wrapped around dependency. It will involve thought, care and consideration as a result. The priority has to be to leave the spaces I enter a little better than they were when I arrived. That very much includes online.

That’s where we will begin our efforts tomorrow.